The Marxist Swinger or: You never thought Communism was such Good Dirty Fun

I have many communist friends, but I never had a peaceful political relantionship with them. I like them as friends, I hope they like me, and so we put up with what we see as each others looneytoon ideas. For my part I think they make some good points but also suffer from graves failings in their understanding of the world. Like good christians they see the world in black and white and they have a Book that holds all the answers but that most of them never read. How is it possible that they devote so much time to the party, yet never read The Capital or even the communist manifesto? As a didactic effort I'll read the Bible to the congregation. Here is my favorite part of the Communist Manifesto:


But you Communists would introduce community of women, screams the bourgeoisie in chorus.

The bourgeois sees his wife a mere instrument of production. He hears that the instruments of production are to be exploited in common, and, naturally, can come to no other conclusion that the lot of being common to all will likewise fall to the women.

He has not even a suspicion that the real point aimed at is to do away with the status of women as mere instruments of production.

For the rest, nothing is more ridiculous than the virtuous indignation of our bourgeois at the community of women which, they pretend, is to be openly and officially established by the Communists. The Communists have no need to introduce community of women; it has existed almost from time immemorial.

Our bourgeois, not content with having wives and daughters of their proletarians at their disposal, not to speak of common prostitutes, take the greatest pleasure in seducing each other’s wives.

Bourgeois marriage is, in reality, a system of wives in common and thus, at the most, what the Communists might possibly be reproached with is that they desire to introduce, in substitution for a hypocritically concealed, an openly legalised community of women. For the rest, it is self-evident that the abolition of the present system of production must bring with it the abolition of the community of women springing from that system, i.e., of prostitution both public and private.

Yet my communist friends seem to hold their significant others with as strong a sense of property as anybody else around. In fact, the most open relationships I know are among "apolitical" people. And I, who am very much in favour of private property, have never been known to be jealous where women are concerned. Funny thing, isn't it?

I'll tell you what. Let's make a deal. When I see you implement this part of the plan, I'll take you seriously about the rest, ok? :)